Under Pressure Episode 4
Family TIes Life Coaching Brenda Saxe and Monica Sigmund
Insights from Monica
At the risk of jinxing myself, I feel like we are falling into a decent groove. We follow a fairly strict schedule but at the end of the day we talk about what we would like to do differently the next day. For example, outside time, we can do bike rides or trampoline jumping things like that. Talking about the schedule and allowing the girls to have input gives them purpose and lets them know they have a voice.
The topic I want to touch on this week, though, is grief. Even though we are falling into a routine and things have been pretty smooth I have this overwhelming sense of grief about me. And not necessarily grief over a person, although sometimes that sneaks in there. My grief is over not being able to go to the Reba McEntire concert, grief about not being able to run the 5K in May with my oldest daughter, of her not being able to play her first season of softball, not being able to practice and maybe not even be able to have our pre k graduation, having to cancel our trip to Austin. Maybe grief isn’t the right word, I think it's more sorrow. Sorrow is defined as a feeling of deep distress caused by loss, disappointment, or other misfortune suffered by oneself or others.
I understand that some of the things I am grieving or sorrowing (it’s a real word, I looked it up!) seem minuscule compared to things other people are going through and sometimes I scold myself for feeling that way. I’m upset over not being able to go to a concert when other people are losing loved ones and can’t even have a “proper” funeral. But this is how I feel and that is totally ok. The Reba tickets were my Christmas gift from my husband and I was going to get to spend the weekend with one of my favorite people who I don’t get to see often enough. The trip to Austin was going to be our first couples trip-in-I couldn’t tell you how long and it was the light at the end of a very long tunnel.
Matthew 5:4 MSG “You're blessed when you feel you’ve lost what is most dear to you. Only then can you be embraced by the One most dear to you.”
However or whatever you are feeling it is ok to feel that way, and you are not alone in feeling it. Turn to God, He is always there. There is a bible app called YouVersion. I strongly suggest downloading it.
Insights from Brenda
I understand how you feel about the loss of things. I have certain expectations that concern family time around Easter. We knew it would be different and prepared for it. We watched a service on the computer. We watched the Passion of Christ. We made dinner with all the trimmings. We had a relaxed day, then came Monday. I couldn’t help feeling the pang of loss. Not getting to see my children and grandchildren, not being in service and experiencing the full “worship” experience. I felt kind of empty. Thank you for sharing that you also are experiencing some grief or loss.
Grief is an appropriate and healthy response to any significant change or loss in life:relationship breakup, divorce, broken friendships, unemployment, disasters, misfortune and yes it includes loss of expected quality of life.
Grief is more than just a feeling. It is actually a complex set of emotions, which can show up differently depending on personality, coping mechanisms, and past experiences.
Often well meaning friends at a loss of how to help may think they need to just cheer you up, or help you move on, but this can actually add to the stress. It can cause you to either avoid your friends or to fake feeling okay rather than express your true feelings.
Everyone is different, there is no right way to work through the emotions of loss. Attempting to hold oneself together or be strong will only slow down the journey of healing and may lead to further pain in the future.
Sometimes loss is increased and a new experience of loss awakens memories of an earlier loss that were never fully grieved.
Grief can be like a rollercoaster. You have to give yourself the freedom to grieve.
Psalm 30:5 “weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning”
Psalm 55:22 “Cast your cares on the Lord and He will sustain you; he will never let the righteous fall.”
God is faithful, even when it seems our world is falling apart, He promises to never leave us. You only need to look to the cross to know that Jesus was no stranger to pain and suffering.
Dear Lord, our hurts and losses make our hearts heavy and the pain goes deep. There are a lot of questions, God and we seem to get very few answers. We choose to trust You, because we know that you are good. Give us comfort and peace. Make Your presence real to us in this time of unknown. God, I thank You that not only do You cry with us, but You also promise to heal our broken hearts, to bring us comfort and peace.
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